Two Fingers

Grandpa says they mean victory.
“It’s the peace sign,” my mother said.
But at school they’re called Bunny Ears,
When we hold them behind a head.
Teachers raise them to mean ‘quiet’.
Scouts raise them when their oath’s begun.
But we just raise those Bunny Ears,
When we want to have some fun.
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X

Behold the excellent X,
It expects no excuses.
Dictionaries give it one page.
But it has many uses.
In math it means multiply.
It fills squares in Tic-Tac-Toe.
Romans counted it as ten.
It’s a kiss when with an O.
On bottles it says don ’t drink.
Coaches draw it for a play.
And when written before mas,
It becomes a holiday.
On treasure maps it marks spots.
With Brand X you can not tell.
Sign on the line beside it.
It’s jumbo before an L.
It names a generation,
Or sports that daredevils do,
It’s the last name of Malcolm,
And a ray that sees straight through.
So if math problems stump you,
Don’t sit at your desk and pout.
Use this exciting letter,
And X the whole thing out.
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U

No matter how much thinking I do,
There is no word that ends with U.
U starts many words we use,
It always trails after Q’s.
Side by side makes a W.
And that letter ends quite a few.
But who knows a word that ends in U.
Do you?
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Anonymous

I enjoy reading funny poems,
From Ogden Nash to Roald Dahl,
But of the poets that I read,
Anonymous is best of all.
Each time I read a funny poem,
With Anonymous below it,
I wonder why she’s still unknown.
Who is this wonderful poet?


Mixing Paints

Yellow and blue gives you green.
For purple blend blue and red.
But I like mixing all paints,
So I can get black instead.


Punctuationclear
Cat claws to pause, small spots to stop.
Bats above balls tell us to shout!!!!!
Canes query? (Smiles!) What’re these keys? @#%^&.
Aren’t hangnails for leavin’ things out?

Dots... & dashes--“whiskers to talk”,
about every *l*e*t*t*e*r;
“Decorations”: for sentences-----
Don’t # they # make # this-poem-look better?
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Etc.

Here’s three handy letters,
E...T...C and a dot.
Stick them in your story.
They’ll think you know a lot, etc.

Pleeeeeese!

Please.
I’ll do anything.
Pretty please.
Pretty please with sugar on top.
Please dipped in hot fudge, with whipped cream, and a cherry.
Oh, pleeeeeeeeeese.
I’ll never ask for anything else for the rest of the school year.
I’ll be good all day.
I promise.
I’ll be the perfect student.
Pretty, pretty please.
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese.

Then what a shocker! Who could guess?
Teacher nodded and told me, “Yes.”
I stood in my class so surprised,
Not till then did I realized,
During the time that I pleaded,
I forgot what I had needed.

The Noise Expert

We each have special talents.
That is what our teachers tell.
Matthew is a whiz in math.
Sabrina does spelling well.
Drew’s the best at Double Dutch.
Sam spits farthest of the boys.
But Tammy’s skill tops them all.
She’s a pro at making noise.
She slaps her cheeks, clicks her teeth.
Her belches are seconds long.
And with hands in her armpits,
She trumpets a catchy song.
She whistles through her fingers,
Or into a blade of grass.
She can blow on her forearm,
Imitating passing gas.
Her knuckles crack like gunshots.
Her two palms squeal with a squeeze.
Fingers snap like castanets,
She plays drum rolls on her knees
My report cards show straight A’s,
I play soccer like a star.
What’s that to Tammy’s talent?
Someday that girl will go far.
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Two Too Many To's

There are two too many two/too/to's.
That’s two too many two/too/to's to choose.
Webster made them just to confuse.
Two two/too/to's it’s time to lose.
Tootle-loo.
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Cozy Up to the Whiteboard
WT Melon Publishing
Poems from the Classroom at the End of the Hall
$5.99 70 pages paperback/e-book
Ages 7 and up ISBN 9781123259131


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