A financial crisis! Cut costs! With dough running low and programs costing too much at his school, Principal Ouia insists that his staff and pupils must stop using that most popular non-consonant that follows d and is prior to f. That common writing symbol was also cut from this book!
Lipogram (from Ancient Greek: λειπογράμματος, "leaving out a letter") a kind of writing in which a particular letter or group of letters is avoided—usually a common vowel, and frequently "E", the most common letter in the English
language.
Noe School author note:
A while back, while browsing through a London bookstore, I came across the book A VOID by Georges Perec. From this book, I learned about lipogram writing. On the cover, it read: “There is not a single E is this novel. That’s right: no here, there, where, when: no yes, no love, no word the!”
I was enthralled. I read the entire 300 pages A VOID in one night, of course constantly searching for any missed E’s. I also began writing my own lipogram novel for young readers. I was sure there were many children as captivated by this lipogram idea as I was. The result was NOE SCHOOL, a book that I am particularly proud to have written, a book with a fun plot but not containing a solitary E.
Unfortunately, editors didn’t share my enthusiasm. They called the book a gimmick. But, still convinced there was a young audience for this style of writing, I self-published NOE SCHOOL. What I’ve found during school author visits is there are two camps of young readers for this book. One group, when I mention it’s a good read without a single E in it, shrugs and says “So what”. Other children, however, grab the book with relish and begin reading it, searching for E’s as I had done with A VOID. “Evans has an E in it,” they will say. Often they send me lipogram stories they have composed themselves.
Whether this lipogram book ever catches on is yet to be seen. But it sure was fun to write.

Part 1

Not long ago, in a small suburban town not far from San Francisco, California, Mr. Maximillian Ouia, principal of Noe School, this town’s only grammar school, sat in a cushy chair in front of his staff. His icy look ran from man to woman and back again.
Wringing his hands, Principal Ouia said, “Folks, our school district has a crisis, a financial difficulty. Frankly, this school is running low on dough. And, owing to this sorry situation, I must drastically cut our school’s curriculum.”
Pausing, Maximillian took a long drink of cocoa from his brown mug. His following words would no doubt astonish his faculty of forty instructors, assistants, and custodial staff.
“From now on, this administration forbids you or any of your pupils from using that fifth symbol in our ABC’s, that non-consonant following D and prior to F.”
Noe School’s staff sat aghast. Nobody said a thing.
“Anyway, to avoid confusion, this thing I’m banning has many phonics sounds and is found fifth in your dictionary. From this day forward, no individual in this school can say any word containing that mark, look at it in any book, or put it in writing. You will omit that symbol totally from your vocabulary, in your classrooms, in our hallways, and on our playground.”

“Huh? What?” said Mr. Zucchini, who was an instructor in Room Six. “Isn’t that an impossibility?”
“Disastrous! Catastrophic!” said Miss Pistachio, a librarian. “I must throw away most of our books. Your ban, Mr. Ouia, will allow only books with illustrations in our library stacks.”
“Good gravy,” said Miss Coconut, a lunch lady. “What nutritious food can I dish out in my lunchroom?”
Mr. Rutabaga, Noe School’s custodian, put in, “Discombobulation! I gotta start changing signs on our school doors. With a bit of black paint xit might still work.”
Up until this point, Miss Anastasia Avocado, Room Four’s instructor, had said nothing. This young, blond, and trim woman had only
taught at Noe School for six months and usually didn’t say much among this group. But now, surprisingly, Miss Avocado burst out, “But this is ridiculous! How impractical! How could cutting that particular non-consonant possibly bring about any financial savings to this school? In my opinion, sir, your proposal sounds totally nutty.”
Principal Ouia ran a hand through his thin, oily hair. “Actually, Miss Avocado, it’s not my plan. It’s our Noe School District Board who insists upon this ban. That worthy group is calling it School Policy Fifty-Four. And for your information, madam, using that popular mark at our school costs a colossal amount. It’s found in too many workbooks, on almost all vocabulary lists, and occurs in too many handwriting drills. Think of all that savings in chalk and ink.”
“But why can’t you cut an activity that’s not so important?” said Miss Avocado. “That non- consonant is vital to my instruction.”
“Last month I had to drop our music program including chorus and band,” Principal Ouia said with a sigh. “Prior to that I cut art and gym class. Accordingly, Anastasia, my hands stay bound.”
“But how can our kids accomplish anything in class?” said Miss Avocado, practically shouting. “How can I do quality instruction in my classroom? This policy isn’t just appalling, it’s totally crazy!”
Mr. Ouia swung his chair toward his young instructor. “Madam, control your outbursts! In a crisis you must try to do what you can. Without that costly symbol, contrary to your opinion, our school board thinks your scholars will do satisfactorily with minimum handicap. Why can’t you just work with A, B, C, D, F, G, H, I, J, K, L,
M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. In my opinion that’s an awful lot of um…initials…to work with. Now, staff, School Policy Fifty-Four is final, and this discussion is through. You may go back to your classrooms!”



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